If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
