I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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