You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
