I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
