Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
