I am puke
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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