The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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