oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
