he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
