I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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