You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
