Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
