I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So apparently I’m into choking now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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