i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She said her name was "party"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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