Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
