I hate your face
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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