You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
