honey bunches of taint.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
