how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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