If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
