Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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