Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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