Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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