$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
