So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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