when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
