I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
