so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
