she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
