Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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