i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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