spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
