is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
