so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
