Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
