I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was not drunk enough for that final.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
