that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
