Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
