that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
