hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
