there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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