maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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