vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
