I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
