Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
OPIZZABONMYDICK
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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