You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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