? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
