what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
