Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
