she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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