Can i not drive my cunt home
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
