My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
