Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
